I wrote awhile ago, after finishing my first 10k, that I thought it´d be amazing to one day run a half marathon. For me, a 10k was a huge accomplishment, and the idea of a half was more of a dream than a tangible reality. I am not a runner, really. Or at least I´ve never considered myself to be one. I run in my site as a way to blow off steam, to pass time, or to just get out of my house. I´m not necessarily any good at it, I don´t have a clue about form, but I´ve learned to really like going on runs. Its amazingly affordable, and considering there is nothing close to a gym in Chimurria, running is the easiest most accesable form of exercise for me. I also enjoy the challenge of it. Maybe because running doesn´t come naturally to me, I feel even more compelled to do it. I love the idea of pushing myself farther than I think I can go, and I love the endorphine rush after a hard run. I love proving myself wrong...I think I can´t run 10, so I go and run 10k. I think I can´t handel the hilly dirt road, so I take the hilly dirt road. Writing it down, it sounds like an awful life philosophy...desiring to be uncomfortable, pushing myself too hard, constantly being on the verge of failure, but maybe maybe reaching an aribtrary personal goal so I can prove to myself that yes, I can make it to the top of that hill, or yes, I can run faster today. So I got it in my head that I wanted to run a half marathon before I left the Peace Corps. I had plenty of time to train, and Peace Corps has been nothing but me pushing myself to my limits, so this could be one final personal test. I went online and got a training program, encouraged a few volunteers to train with me, and for 6 weeks I was a dedicated half marathon trainer. I would go out when it was rainy, wake up early to do long runs before it got too hot. Its not fun to run between the hours of 8 and 4 in Chimurria; its too hot and muggy. Slowly but surely the other volunteers abandoned the half marathon cause. Training took up too much time, or was too hard, they had other things to do, not enough money to travel for the race. But I wanted it, and I was going to do it, I had it in my head that I was going to run a half marathon and if I had to run it alone, well, then I would run it alone. The only way to sign up for the half marathon was to go into San Jose (a 6 hour bus ride just one way) to a specific store to sign up, so 2 weeks before the race I went into San Jose to sign up...and the race was full. I was so mad at myself for not going in earlier, for not getting someone closer to San Jose to sign me up, for training for a race that I wasn´t allowed to run in! I was frustrated and bitter. That same day I had said goodbye to one of my best friends, Courtney, who had spent an amazing 10 days visiting me in CR. We were with another of my really good friends, Flora. It was so good to see them, we had a blast together, and when they left it was tough. On top of being separated from 2 of my best friends, all my dreams of running a half got thrown in my face. In short, it was an awful day. I took the 6 hour bus ride back to site, spent a week or so being bitter. I thought maybe I could just run a half in site, why not? But I didn´t have enough motivation to get up on my own and run it solo. After I threw myself a substancially long pity party, I got my act together. One of my favorite running mantras is: when it gets hard, you have two options: you can either throw in the towel or use it to wipe the sweat off your face. I got another friend to sign up for another half with me, this time I knew to sign up plenty in advance, and went back to training. It felt good to check off each day of my training calendar, and I knew that when race day came I would be prepared. All that running for the unrun half marathon had to have helped me prepare for this new one. I could feel myself getting stronger, faster, and building endurance. Long distances weren´t as scary, and picking speed wasn´t as exhausting. My biggest fear for the half were the hills. Chimurria is not an especially hilly town, its pretty flat actually. There are some roads with rolling hills, but nothing resembling mountains. The route I was to run for the half had some serious hills, and I was going to have to trust that my training would help me over them.
Eventually the day came for the half marathon- the race started at 6, and the group of us running got up around 4:30 to get to the starting line on time. Getting the race figured out was a challenge, we couldnt go to the store to pick up our race packets, we had trouble finding the starting line, we were a mess. 2 other volunteers and I ran the half and 2 of our good friends came and ran the 7k option. The two other volunteers who were running the half with me are really fit people, and I was honestly intimidated by their athleticism. One is a boxer and the other a marathon runner...I was definitely the rookie of the group. At least running is only about beating yourself, my goals were to finish the race in under 2:30 and to keep running the whole time. Pretty reasonable goals for my first half.
Once the race started I felt amazing. All my training definitely paid off and I was strong to the end. There was one giant hill half way through the course, almost 3k long and pretty steep. I was not going to let that hill get in the way of my goal of not walking, and I kept a solid pace to the top. Retrospectively I wish I had pushed myself harder, because when I got to the end I still had a lot of energy. The race didn´t have any signage along the way so I had no idea how far I was or how much longer I had left, which made pacing a challenge. But! I did end up running the entire time and finishing in 2 hours 19 minutes! I was so exctatic when I got to that finish line. It was such a great feeling. The endorphine high was amazing, and I couldn´t stop smiling for hours afterwards.
I did it. I ran a half marathon. The lessons of this half marathon easily translate to my peace corps experience. When it gets hard you have two options: you can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face. That mantra can be used for peace corps as well as running. My service has been marked by peaks and valleys, highs and lows, and there were plenty of lows where I really really wanted to give up, pack my bags, and head home. Not giving in to that voice that told me to quit, that I wasn´t good enough, that it wasn´t worth this much stress, not caving to that negativity, that is what has allowed me to reach the end of my peace corps service. Now I look back at these 2 years, proud of what I have accomplished, what I have given, and how I have grown. It is harder to let go, to head back, then I thought it would be. Now that I find myself closing this chapter of my life I find myself overwhelmed with emotions of love for the people I´ve met along the way, with gratitude for what they have taught me, with sadness for knowing that this is all going to end. I feel blessed for being given the opportunity to serve in the peace corps, and if I were to live my life over I´d do it again in a heart beat. Once you´ve pushed yourself farther then you thought you could go, once you do what you thought was asking too much, you find yourself changed, different. Leaving all this behind will be the last challenge Peace Corps demands of me. I am absolutely elated at the thought of seeing my friends and family in the states, but I am equally devistated knowing that the relationships I have built here, the life I have built here, will have to come to an end. Of course it´s not so dramatic, I will be able to keep up with people through email and facebook, but I won´t be part of their daily lives, nor they of mine. That intimacy will be lost. Inevitably I knew this was going to happen. Peace Corps service is for 2 years, and then you head home, that´s how the program works. I am just glad that I have been able to spend the past 2 years here. Its beeen an incredible, life changing experience.
